Now by no means am I that person that only has one friend, and there is nothing bad about having one friend. In fact sometimes having a singular true friend is better than having to trim the fat and get rid of loads of toxic people from your life. I have multiple friends but my best mate, my ride or die, wifey for lifey is leaving me for two months whilst she goes to LA for pilot season; the trials and tribulations of actors...Sun, Sea, Sand and Hollywood.

In no way am I jealous...okay I might be a little jealous, but that is mostly because she will get to hang out in the sunshine whilst I’m left with the bitter cold. Additionally she has the chance to dip in the delicacy which is the American boy...no fair. Besides all that I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do whilst she is gone. I mean Facetime is great and all but with the time difference alone it won’t be what I’m used to.

Maybe now is a great time to socialize more with my other friends and complete more of my goals for the New Year. I mean what’s two months, maybe I will take up knitting (doubt it). Maybe now is the time to get a boyfriend...hmmm where do young people go to meet other young people. I’m practically a Grandma, if my hobbies and ideas of relaxing are anything to go by. How do people organically extend their friendship circles? All of the friends have made over the years have been whilst I have been at school or uni. I am now a 20 year old woman in London, who has no real idea of ways to meet new people. Is that really sad or does anyone feel the same?

Sometimes when I’m stalking people on Instagram, as it’s one of my favourite past times I see so many people with so many different friends, is that a life they have created for social media or do they actually have that many friends. If so, maybe I’m not a social as I thought I was. But I like my small circle.

Maybe these next two months will give me the motivation to start crossing things of my bucket list, like writing a book, or becoming a superstar DJ. These 2 months could be the beginning of my origin story...

Here goes

Tchau

This I promise will be a quick post, as opposed to my usual ramblings. If anything it's more of a question...

Does anyone else buy new clothes in preparation for a new hairstyle? Almost as if your transforming your whole image because you've decided to cut, colour or add to your hair. I do this almost every year when I go through my mandatory style meltdown that goes hand in hand with my career crisis.

I will buy clothes weeks in advance as I am in the process of doing now, in anticipation for my new coiffure. I won't wear these new clothes until my hair has been done but will buy excessive amounts of bargains, not knowing what my hair will actually look like.

Maybe this happens because each hairstyle I feel needs a different persona and some multiple personalities have the opportunity to come out and play. And believe me this happens a lot as I have a short attention span and get bored of my hair every few weeks. In the last 3 months alone I have had weave, braids and am now rocking a hot mess, in preparation for my big chop. For which I feel I have to dare to be bold.

Me now: Hot Mess

What I hope to become: Bald and Bold

Hi Everyone and welcome to F.I.F. I'm your host Courtnie....

Anyway this post I hope is something that's relevant to a few of you out there, that's if anyone is actually reading this.

Ever since I was little I have gone through a crisis every year where I didn't know what I wanted to be and so I changed my career options every year. I would always have this panic about what I wanted to do, I just knew I wanted to be super successful and make loads of money. Over the years I wanted to be a singer, dancer, actor, athlete, film director, music director, script writer etc. The list is endless. The only reason I decided to study public relations is because my A-Level media teacher suggested it and I did some research, done a couple of placements and thought hmm I could do that.

But its that time of year again and I am questioning what I want to do with my future. In no world would I drop out of uni and its a little too late for me to change course but I do question whether a job in the PR world is for me. Don't get me wrong I have been loving my placement and the experiences and skills I have been available to develop because of it but do I see myself doing this everyday for the next 40-60 years of my life. I don't think I personally a massive fan of desk jobs, but that is mostly because I'm really lanky and my legs get cramped from sitting down for the majority of the day.

I think I would like to get into Fashion shoot and runway production. That way I can still use my PR skills, work in an industry I enjoy, I would have something new to do everyday and I can use my organisation to its fullest potential.

Even though I have this career meltdown once or twice every year, I know I don't really have to worry...yet. I think one of the reasons I get so scared is because when I was younger it was always drummed into me to work hard to get the grades to go to university, to get a job, to work my way up the career ladder. Now that I think about it, that path isn't for everyone, and maybe instead of shooting up the career ladder I can zig zag my way through so I can gain more experiences and find what it really is I love. I would love for my passion to also be the same thing that makes me money...too bad I'm not Beyonce.

Maybe it's time I took the advice I give to my friends and apply it to myself. Your 20's are your selfish years. so be selfish and focus on you. Find what you like and dislike. Make friends and travel the world. You have your whole life ahead of you...Okay so soppy moment over, but I think if I do follow that mantra then I can dismiss my five year and ten year plan and instead just see where I land and be all the more happier for it.

Let me know if you've ever felt the same.

For now Adios...but don't be a stranger.